The Roman Ruemeral

Takes place at a Roman encampment for a prestigious general's birthday. Only the most lustful of Romans have been invited to this gathering. Many of the family names are well-kennst throughout the Empire. Competition is sure to erupt.

Doorman: Extraneus Panus of House Penii.

Fagius: (friends) oh, its that pompous dick.

Panus: (group) dear gentlemen, I am so glad you could make it, but so that you may witneß my manlineß when I role back my manhood. Truly a fascinating sight.

Fagius: Get over yourself Panus, 'House Verginii', you have never stabbed the inside of anything, except perhaps a lamb's intestine or a watermelon!

Panus: Fagius, yes? If memory serves from my time at the academy, a Faggot be a bundle of tiny twigs, a ball of chopped meat, perhaps that Jesus fellow will find you attractive, but Roman women love my sliding accordion organ.

Thinkerus: Friends, may we stuff the gladius in our breeches for now. Let us ponder the philisophio-political Foundations of L...

Panus: Quiet, incelibate! Let the Chadii do the duel.

Fagius: Ha! Well said. If there is anyone worse than a man-lover, it must certainly be the man who loves not.

Panus: Careful, Fagius, he might have a bow on him! And there is one thing he loves; those damn Greeks and Germanics.

Fagius: Have a care I shall, for whomsoever makes common with the Greeks and Germanics is doing so against the glory of Rome, and ought to be tried as an enemy of her.

Thinkerus: Shut you both! I hail from the houses of Volcelii and Antinatii. All of you lot are brain-dead breeders, fiends of the coming, Germanic communist future! Erichus!

[Erichus Mielkius, head of the Genes für Staatsicherheit comes out of view, in an MFS daily dreß uniform]

Thinkerus: And no, I poßeß no bow, but Erichus, he is the very shield and bow of the future Party. Execute them.

Panus: No, please! Our sexuality is oppreßed, and my race... I was born at., at, one of the dark-skinned Roman colonies, #Oppreßed!

Mielkius: Make ready! Present! Fire!

Mielkius: The order is fulfilled , Comrade Genes-Secretary.

Thinkerus: Very good comrade. Teutoburg shall be remembered as the sacred ground where a truly Democratic Republic, founded on the principles of the science of Materialism-Labourism defeated the mightiest feudal empire, and shone a beacon to the coming bright Red dawn.

*if you don't get the genes reference, then you need to read more Engels.